rainy day...

so i was thinking about the rain, mostly because i can hear it... i like the sound of rain on the roof... and it made me think about the song lyrics to "come away with me" by norah jones... there's just something about a rainy day... right now i'd love to be underneath a huge blanket with candles burning either taking a nap or reading a book... listening to that same norah jones cd that contain the lyrics stuck in my head...

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can’t tempt us
With their lies
And I wanna walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won’t you try to come
Come away with me and we’ll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I’ll never stop loving you
And I wanna wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I’m safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

but instead i'm sitting in the computer lab at school... i stopped by on my way home from work... and i don't have any of my school stuff with me, so i'm not getting anything done... big surprise... so maybe i'll head home, light candles, turn on norah jones and read...

one side-note-comment i have is while i love this particular song by norah jones and the entire album that it's on... i do not always like the feelings that it seems to stir up... these lines haunt me... "and i wanna wake up with the rain, falling on a tin roof, while i'm safe there in your arms"... i've had a couple of conversations lately... well i've had lots of conversations lately, but two in particular have resulted in the same reaction... sometimes i feel lonely... i always say that i don't like talking about singleness and all of that junk on my blog... but today i kind of feel like it... so i may just go more publicly honest than usual...

i was talking with the dad of the family whose house i live in right now last night... we talk a lot... about a lot of different stuff... random stuff... and we were talking about guys last night... (this is one of the two conversations, by the way...) he has 6 sons... sometimes he's quite the expert... he expressed frustration that no young man was pursuing me... which kind of makes me laugh, and kind of made me cry... i thought i was the only one... to kind of explain it further... he and his wife told me last night that they see me as valuable, etc... which is something i've been trying to work on for about the last ten years... (but in my own eyes) it's still a lot of a struggle for me... and then it carries over into my ideas about relationships... it's like i desire to be linked to this great guy - with great leadership skills, character, integrity, passion for ministry... but then i think "i'm not good enough for that guy." and that's not necessarily a self-esteem (i hate that expression) thing... it's just - don't they deserve more? i've messed up in more ways that i care to name and more times than i want to think about... i know- no one is perfect... no guy is "tood good for me..." it's just the way i feel today...

and i know the "answers" to all of this... i've heard them all before... i'm not saying any of this to get those self-esteem answers... so if you feel like posting a comment like that, don't... i'll just take care of it right now... everyone repeat after me... "i'm good enough... i'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it... people like me..." there... now we're all better...

it's time to put the band-aid back on... too much exposure/vulnerability in one day can prove to be detrimental to my mental health... so maybe it's time for the candles, big blanket, books and cd... so if it's raining where you are, enjoy the rain on the roof... and if it's sunny, well, enjoy that, too...